


Crow's Feet

by HerbertBest



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Blow Jobs, Conventions, Costumes, Elevator Sex, Family, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Humor, Kid Fic, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerbertBest/pseuds/HerbertBest
Summary: Aging becomes the topic when Dan, Ross, Holly, Brian, Arin and Wren descend upon a convention.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheseusInTheMaze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/gifts).



> A part of the Plausible Deniability Universe!

“Do you have everything you need, sweetie?”

Wren tilted her little head up and said quite proudly to Dan, “of course, abba! The Bat is ready!”

Dan managed not to grin. His daughter was already in the spirit of things, insisting she was Batman from the second he and Holly had finished dressing her. Dan was in incognito mode, hoping to get in some good browsing time before his first autograph session, two kimonos pressed in his suitcase, while Holly’s costume was a massive and elaborate recreation of a stingray from Moana. 

Ross was going as Ross. Complete with a nametag that said ‘Hi, I’m Ross!’

Bless the man, he loved him dearly. 

“You remember what you have to do,” said Holly to her daughter. “Stay close to one of us at all times. No running. No taking anything without permission or grabbing anything without permission. Don’t touch anyone unless they say it’s okay, and no one’s allowed to touch you unless YOU say it’s okay.”

She nodded eagerly as Ross parked the car. “Can we go now? Please please?” she asked, flapping her hands.

“Let us get unbuckled, baby,” Holly said. But Wren was already doing that for herself, yelling like Xena as she ran toward the front door. Ross was out of his door and chasing her down, shouting at her to wait for him. It gave Dan and Holly time to get their encumbered butts out of the car.

“First con since you’ve been pregnant,” Dan grinned. “How does it feel?”

“Like swollen ankles and a need to pee,” Holly said. “Where do we register?”

“Exit A,” Dan said. Ross and Wren caught up with them at the door. As always, registration proved to be a nightmare, but soon enough they were strolling the convention floor as a unit.

Ross hid Wren’s eyes as they filed past a booth selling hentai DVDs and manga. There were even body pillows, which caused Dan to flash back to his horny, anime loving youth. “I forgot how weird these places could be,” Ross said, sounding so scandalized that Dan let out a braying, honking laugh.

“What a brilliant observation, Ross O’Momovan.”

“I am not a mom. You can call me dad. Or daddy.” He wiggled his eyebrows, a gesture that went over Wren’s head completely. 

She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him off, excitedly peeling through a big box of children’s comics. Dan glanced over his shoulder to check on Holly.

And Holly was taking a picture with three excited-looking kids, for whom she was making her most manta ray like gestures with her floaty, fluffy arm extensions. She joined him right after, then kissed his cheek. 

“Are you doing okay? Is the baby doing okay?”

“We’re both fine,” she insisted. “You have to get up to the stage and wait for Brian. Your session’s in an hour.”

He kissed her one more time before telling Wren and Ross goodbye. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” he said. And it was good to look back at her and see that she didn’t feel lonely, out of place by his leave-taking. 

It took him ten minutes to cross the room and find his place in the men’s room. His blue kimono fit like a glove, and he looked the part of Sexbang by the time Once standing by the entrance area, Dan took a deep breath and slid his sunglasses into place. Now he just needed to wait for Brian’s inevitable arrival.

What he saw when he finally locked eyes with his friend was startling, to say the least.


	2. Chapter 2

“What the fuck, dude?”

Brian self-consciously shuffled his feet. “I’ve been trying something out. Rachel suggested I try to go darker when we were at Frenchy’s earlier…” He shuffled a hand through his pitch-black, none-darker, nigh-on-gothlike hair. “Do you think I look like a jackass?”

“What? No! Never!” Dan’s eyes darted sideways. “Are you ready to sign?”

Brian frowned. Unfortunately, the man knew him very well. “The hood is going on,” he said, and he shoved the Ninja Brian mask on and over his features. Dan sighed as Brian’s piercing blue eyes stared at him, as if daring an argument. Things had been pretty weird between Arin and Brian lately. Aside from Brian’s whole let-me-gently-troll-you-into-loving-me way of expressing himself, he had been awkwardly fumbling around settling into a regular relationship with the guy. It didn’t impinge on the relationship Dan and Arin had, or Brian and Rachel’s ongoing love affair, but things just felt…wrong. Hinky, in a non-fun way.

The idea kept bothering Dan as he tried to give his fans close to 100 percent. There were a plethora of homemade gifts to take care of, babies to kiss, worries to intercept. These people had serious issues that needed to be treated with proper weight, and Dan gave them his respect and attention. 

As the line thinned out to the last forty people, and he watched Brian pretend to stab a very shrieky ten year old with his pen, their latest customer approached. It was like seeing his semi-rebellious I’m-gonna-make-a-rock-band-man phase reflected right back at him. The approaching fan was eighteenish, tall, had bright purple hair shaved up in a mo-hawk…and he was looking down at Dan in confusion. 

“Dude. What happened to your hair?”

Self-consciously, Dan touched his head. He’d just cut his locks short again for the summer months, for the oncoming birth of his daughter, but he’d discussed most of that in Grumps. “Uh…I cut it?”

The teenager eyeballed him. “Oh. I thought you said in Part Five of Twilight Princess that you didn’t want to cut your hair anymore. You said something about letting your freak flag fly.” He seemed to realize he was pissing Dan off, which was hard enough to do.

“It’s cool, man,” Dan said. “Those were done before we found out about the new baby.”

“Oh yeah,” the guy said, shoving his hands into his jeans as Dan signed his poster. “I forgot how old you are now,” he said, and Dan’s pen skidded its way across the surface as he left an inky trail of shock behind him.

“Hey, age is just a state of mind,” Dan protested. He grabbed a fresh poster and signed it for the guy.

“That’s what old people say,” he declared, seeming to have found an opening, the admiration in his face filled with a punkish joy that was ridiculously familiar to Dan.

“All finished,” Dan said, and his smile was far toothier than it usually was.

“”Oh thanks!” he said. “Hey…why do you cut your hair, anyway?”

“Um…oh….” He said sheepishly. “To keep the babies from eating it.”

The guy stared at him like he was from Mars as he grabbed his poster.

*** 

Wren arrived right as they wrapped up the line, smelling of Butterbeer and wearing a ring of chocolate around her lips. “ABBA!” she yelled. “We saw a guy dressed up like the Cookie Monster and we watched the new Trolls movie and Daddy and I took pictures with some tall people!”

“I took pictures with the tall people,” corrected Ross. “Wren stood right next to me and I made sure they didn’t take pictures of her. Are you guys ready for lunch?”

“Absolutely,” Dan said, but he sounded distracted, felt distracted as Rose helped him pack away the last of the posters and the unbought teeshirts. They ambled off to dinner side-by-side, his big hand holding Wren’s tiny one. They still had a q&a session and a demo panel to get through, and Dan was already feeling sleepy.

Brian didn’t take off his mask until they were in the elevator – and Dan tried not to giggle, to set a good example for his daughter – but he couldn’t help it.

Brian’s hair dye had run down his face, coating his skin with streaks of black as if his hair had melted.


	3. Chapter 3

Dan hated panels – mostly because he couldn’t control the audience in a way that felt comfortable. People stood on chairs and threw things at them – they demanded hugs and autographs. They were teeming and faceless and frightening. They gave him heart palpitations, to be truthful. 

He was almost glad that Brian’s terrible, melty hair was a thing. It distacted from the weirdness he was feeling.

At lunch with Holly, cutting up Wren’s dinner, he asked, “Pidge, do you think I’m like…really old?”

She stared at him. “In that you’re nine years older than me or…?”

“No, in that –all of our fans are like, twenty years younger than we are. Some kids were asking me why I cut off my hair and they acted like I was selling out.”

“There’s no such thing as selling out,” Holly said. “And you know you don’t believe in it.”

“I know,” he said. “But like…” he shrugged, gave up on words, fluffed 

“Your grandmother thinks you’re cool. Ross thinks you’re cool.”

“Sure I do!” Ross said, his face completely unaffected. 

“And Wrenny pie thinks you’re the best,” she reminded him.

“You’re the COOLEST PERSON EVER, abba!” said Wren with her mouth full, face dotted over with ketchup.

“Thank you,” he said. “Please swallow, and don’t choke and scare me to death.” He started wiping her face – she’d demolished her two hotdogs, fries, and apple sauce in two minutes flat. He saw the alarm in Holly’s eyes and squeezed her with his non-ketchupy one.

“I’m going to take Wren with me when we’re done,” Dan said. “We’re gonna see the sights together. I’ll be back in time for your panel.”

“We’re gonna be owls!” 

“The best f-frickin’ owls in the world!” Dan enthused. He kissed the top of her head. “I’ll see you both soon, okay?”

“Love you,” Holly said quietly.

“Love you Dan! Don’t trade our daughter for magic beans!”

Dan pecked Holly and tongue-kissed Ross to shut him up, then took his leavings to the trash and kissed Wren’s cheek, wiping his ketchup-stained hands on his jeans. He remembered, vaguely, being much more fastidious than this, years ago. “C’mon,” he encouraged. “Let’s go take some pictures!”

Wren shrieked her delight and outran him all the way to the elevator bank.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan was careful to keep hold of his daughter’s hand as she pulled him up the pathway. It was like trying to keep a lead on a small, excitable dog. He felt a stab of guilt, feeling that about his sweet little daughter. He loved her dearly, but sometimes it was like herding cats, taking care of her.

Wren was in his arms by the time Holly’s panel rolled around. They took a seat up front next to a couple of very goth-looking teens. He gave them a smile, and they gave him a confused look.

“Hey, didn’t you used to be Danny Sexbang?” The girl, who had a mohawk and pitch colored lipstick.

That took him aback. “I’m still Danny Sexbang.”

“Right,” she said, rolling her eyes. He heard her mutter ‘sellout’ under her breath.

“Hey!” he complained. “I’m like, totally cool. Still. I’m rad.” He said.

She snorted. “You put out that song like five years ago. When was your last hit again?”

He cradled Wren closer to him. “I’ve been busy.”

“Oh yeah, doing anything but making music. You used to be my idol and now you’re like…” She shrugged. “ _A dad._ ”

Well, Dan WAS a dad, though that connotation emotionally for him still landed firmly on Avi. “It had to happen sometime,” he said.

“And you cut your hair, and stopped wearing eyeliner, and you’re NEVER at the livestreams anymore – you’re on Holly and Ross’ stuff more than the Grumps. Dude, when did you get old?” asked his seat mate. It crushed Dan like a knee to the dick. 

That’s when Ross arrived. He pulled Wren into his arms and she barely stirred when he did so. “Yeah, whatever you’re saying shut the fuck up or I’ll get security,” Ross said to the teens. They looked somewhat ashamed of themselves. 

Ross kissed Dan’s cheek. “Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” said Ross. They sat back to enjoy the show, but Dan was haunted. 

Was he really uncool? Had he really sold out? He’d always scorned those words but for some reason they were getting to him today.

Then the announcer was calling Holly to the stage, and he sunk into blissful peace at the sight of her. She winked before taking the microphone, her social anxiety somewhat masked. Dan was grateful for his quasi-anonymity in the audience.


	5. Chapter 5

Wren ended up being called up on stage by her mother, and she just lived to show off her costume. She could’ve waved and twirled for four years, and Dan had to come and get her offstage, to the shrieks of the audience.

“You’re turning into a teeny ham,” Dan said. 

“A kosher ham,” Ross replied, taking Wren onto his lap.

Holly, meanwhile, was still trying to keep things moving onstage. “I wonder where she gets it from,” she laughed.

Dan knew, of course. At her age he would’ve performed in a back alley, with no motivation beyond the thrill of it. Wren took after him perfectly in that respect.

The rest of the panel proceeded smoothly, and soon he was holding court, watching Holly sign autographs. Then they were headed upstairs to check in on Brian, before the concert the two of them were set to play. Ross put Wren down for a nap with Brian’s daughter while Brian shaved, swearing he’d meet him in a minute, and Holly and Dan headed downstairs alone. There, alone, Dan turned to Holly.

“So do you really want to be with an old guy like me?”

She rolled her eyes, pressed her palm hard against the stop button, and pulled him into a kiss.


	6. Chapter 6

“Holly!” His voice was deep and harsh in her throat as she pushed him against the elevator wall. Dan sprawled out against the cool metal wall, and let out a little gasp as she bit down on his exposed neck.

“Do you want this?” she asked. And she was nibbling on the same spot, and it felt amazing. He whined and ground his cock against her hip. Holly knew the effect she had on him, and she took full advantage of it. 

“Oh fuck. Here? This is like…I’ve never…” She unzipped his jeans and his eyes almost fell out of his head. “What if the security guards see?!”

She fished his rock-hard cock out of his boxer briefs and started to gently pump it. Standing suddenly felt like a horrible idea as his knees knocked together, but Holly pushed him gently back against the wall. Holding him still with one hand, she stroked his dick and kissed all of the little exposed places on his neck. “Let them see me touching my gorgeous husband. I don’t care.”

“Holly!” His wife was normally anything but the exhibitionistic sort. This was an all new to Dan…well not perfectly so. He remembered almost loving her in the car outside Rocky Horror. Loving her on the beach. The memories collided with the confident look in Holly’s eyes and he desperately hunched over to kiss her. Their connection was messy and over-excited, and Dan let out a yelp of total relief as he came, hard enough to make him lose his balance and lean into the hand rail. 

Holly kept making soothing sounds, rubbing his belly and his thighs. Then she leaned closer and whispered in Dan’s ear. “Old guys,” she said, rubbing his belly and back as he recovered, “don’t get hard in two seconds and jet off like that,” she said. 

“Oh,” Dan breathed. “Thank you?”

She shook her head. He reached into his pocket to find Kleenexes to clean up his mess and she said, “Dan, I don’t think you’re old. Nothing about you is old. I love you because you’re you.”

“Thank you,” he said. “Um, Hol – don’t tell anyone we did this?”

“Never,” she said. They wiped up the mess Dan had made and, to the naked eye, looked like a normal, average middle-aged couple having an evening out.

Then the elevator door opened, exposing them to the convention floor. “I am going to eat the hell out of your delectable pussy when we get home.”

The delight on her face was likely obvious to the people who came up to them , but no one dared speak about it in her presence.


End file.
